10.04.02 // 10:47 p.m.
maybe tomorrow marks the end
of this painful phase we're in
maybe the sunrise shows the way for us
maybe the stars that fill your eyes
are the stars that have been
leading me my whole life
just to end up with you
but when you get too close
i run and hide
close your eyes, count backwards
i don't give up
without a fight
here i come, i'll find you
and love, i'm yours
if you'll turn me out
when you need me, i'll be there
we hide and seek, but always leave
hand in hand
maybe this chapter marks the start
of no more broken hearts
maybe the letters all spell out happiness
maybe the words aren't always kind,
but they're never meant
to make you feel alone,
just to stand up to you
and i'll carry you
if you promise to carry me
we'll carry we
it's a simple thing
you and me
you and me
-- the velvet teen
I hate to feel like I've failed, but I don't know if I have any fight in me left.
It was one of those emails in which as soon as I read it, I didn't know how to feel, how to respond, or even if I should just start crying... eh.
I think the past few days have just been 'eh.' Where I feel like crying just because I'm in my self pity mode. And you would think that in the place where I worked I'd feel much more comfortable actually saying what was bugging me, but not likely. I couldn't even show any affection towards Isa yesterday. The petty resentfulness for all summer when I felt like she could have cared less about anyone else besides Jon just got to me. I'm sure she noticed and is probably feeling icky towards me right now. You don't have a relationship with a person for 4 years in which you can almost read each other's minds and then not even be able to read each other's body language. I'm sure she knew I was lying when I said I was okay.
I always lie when people ask that question.
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Me siento: in denial
Escuchando: "Counting Backwards" by the Velvet Teen
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