Call me Sid
03.10.02 // 3:08 p.m.

Friday I found out about the status of my application to Teach for America. They sent me a thick packet (those are always good) with a cover letter letting me know about my interview day at LMU on April 1st. I still need to get transcripts and a letter of recommendation for that.

The funding committee finished the last of its 30 hearings on Friday. Then we had to do the really hard part, deliberations to see how much money would be allocated to the 30 programs. We had about $82,000 to allocate, which seems like a lot of money to work with, but we didn’t think so. Aaruni didn’t take notes for Friday’s hearings because he already had plans so he asked me to do his job. On Thursday, he offered to buy me drinks after a council meeting (insert smiley face here). The best things about being part of these committees is that you find out about all the cool programming that student groups do before the actual date. I’ll be spending a lot of time on campus this spring quarter.

Saturday I took my parents to LAX in the morning. They’re going to San Francisco. I’m jealous. I asked my mom if I could stow away in their suitcase, she laughed, but I was half serious. If I was Flat Stanley I could have fit myself in there as well as in the package I sent to Dom via US postal service, which sucks. I sent a card and a book called “I Like You” the size of a CD in the envelope. He didn’t get the book. I was mad and a little sad. It seems like nothing I do lately goes the way I want. Just one more form of communication between us that doesn’t quite work.

That night I met up with my group to do our project. I dressed in Danny’s huge pants and Adrian’s long-sleeve BlackLabel shirt. I tried to flatten out my breasts with a sports bra, which helped a little, but you could still tell I had something there. Over the shirt I wore a very baggy Ben Harper hooded sweatshirt I borrowed from the roommate of one of the girls in my group. I slicked my hair back into a low pony tail and put it a beanie. Another girl drew some facial hair on me and made my eyebrows thicker with eyeliner. I tried putting a sock in my pants to make a bulge, but it just wasn’t working. It felt too weird. One of the guys in the group just told me to take it out since my pants were baggy and no one would notice it anyway.

From far away, I think I passed. I looked like one of my brothers, just lighter. When we were finally ready, the group of two “girls” and six “guys,” plus two other girls who weren’t doing the project, went out to the crowded Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Although I was dreading the experience, it wasn’t terrible. I realized how everything was gendered from sitting, eating and walking in a crowd, which was the point of the project. I even changed my name for the few hours I dressed as boy to Sid. I hope I accomplished being a man.

The funny thing about the night was when we went to a sports bar called Yankee Doodles. The bouncers checked ID’s and just gave us funny looks. If we were passing, that just gave us away.

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