Mil Máscaras
03.18.02 // 11:57 p.m.

Did you know that in the Mexican wrestling league (La Lucha Libre) if you lose, your mask is torn off your face? I guess it has to do with machismo or something, like showing your true self is a sign of weakness and vulnerability.

I’m not a wrestler, nor have I ever been too into wrestling. I prefer less showy and more spontaneous sports like baseball. Back to La Lucha Libre, I think I can identify with those wrestlers. I’m constantly fighting with people – mainly in a figurative sense – to keep them from seeing my real face.

I have a mask on my face that hides the “real me” from all but a handful of people. I’ll take it off in pieces, and only a few have seen me without any mask on at all.

I think if I show the true me it’ll make me vulnerable. I’m not really afraid that they won’t like me, but they’ll know all my weaknesses and in turn it’ll be easier for them to hurt me in some way down the line.

I had this idea about a year ago as I was trying to work things out with my ex-boyfriend. We were at a low point in our relationship when we would barely even acknowledge each other’s presence. Things got to that point because of misunderstandings and petty grudges between the two of us.

We finally had a long talk about what we really felt and if we thought it was worth it to maintain a 2.5 years old friendship. It was then that he told me he thought I was unapproachable and I confessed a lot of feelings I had since our breakup the previous year.

I left the conversation not feeling fully satisfied. I gave him a halfhearted hug and walked away to meet some friends to study. You know why I was so dissatisfied? Because I felt like I was the one doing all the talking, putting my true feelings out there and he was not really contributing his part.

If we had been wrestlers, he would have won the match.

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