breaking up is hard to do
05.18.04 // 11:00 p.m.

I've been having issues with friends lately. Yet, they don't know it because I don't say anything and just let all these thoughts fester in my brain.

First, there is the one who I've distanced myself from. I decided I was tired of the cynicism and negativity. It's always been there, but lately it's bothered me much more. I suppose it's because I've let it influence my own decisions, and that's my bad. However, I know I can be honest and up front with this person. The good thing is, he acknowledges this and apologizes for dumping shit on me (figuratively, of course).

Second, there is Vane. I think I'm tired of her. She's changed a lot since she and Gabriel broke up after a 4-year relationship. That was in September, and since then there's been too much drama for me. What bothers me the most is not the drama, but the fact that she knows exactly what needs to change and what she should do, but she doesn't do it. This drama has overflowed and interfered with our friendship.

The trip during Valentine's Day weekend was the worst. The details aren't important, but I was put in really uncomfortable situations and felt that she made bad decisions. This past trip wasn't all bad. I had my brother with me and I got to see Chispa too. Still... she sat with her "cara de fuchí" at Emmy's and when we visited Chispa at her apartment in the city. Oh yeah, and she kept falling asleep... how rude.

The Vane thing bugs me the most because I don't know how to deal with it. I'm tired of being patient and compassionate. A friend should also give you a reality check and be honest.

Honesty scares me.

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