I keep surprising myself with the extent to which I can get away with doing a half-ass job. As an undergrad, I remember a good friend asking Ome and I how we "did it." By "it" she meant barely studying, starting papers the night before they were due (or turning them in late) and still pulling off grades.

Neither Ome nor I had an answer, but our friend was right. She did study more than us. She did all her reading and actually started her papers with enough time to get something good written.

However, she still got lower grades than us. I remember talking to Ome about once our friend was out of earshot. We admitted that we felt bad. I felt like I was cheating the system, but I wasn't doing anything illegitmate.

I was reminded of this with my classes this quarter and last quarter. Despite the fact that grades in a doctoral program don't matter, I still really want those A's. Now, working towards that is another story.

Just look at what I was doing last night at "study hall"...

I told a co-worker of mine about this today after I got out of my research methods in higher education course. I had just gotten back a quiz I barely studied for and the assignment I turned in the week before. I aced both. But I was surprised, just as I've been surprised with every other assignment, paper or quiz returned to me so far this quarter.

My co-worker, also a student in my program (but he's currently working on his dissertation) responded, "so, what? Are you saying you're brilliant?"

"No. Well, I might be brilliant, but I know for sure I don't hand in the work I'm capable of doing."

Another girl in the office jumped in, "oh, no. Don't do that. Women of color are always being too hard on themselves. I was that way when I got to [her school] too."

"Well, she gives me high grades too," I said pointing to my advisor's door behind me. "She's a woman of color."

The visiting student shook her head, "No, she grades hard. I know. She gives you the grade you deserve."

So, the lesson of the day? I just might be too hard on myself, but I still got to quit the procrastination.

Right now I should be working on a statistics quiz and/or reading on institutional mission and purpose for class. Fun times.

Me siento: satisfied
Escuchando: "girl inform me" by the shins

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s