on being inspired
07.07.03 // 11:32 p.m.

I'm inspired, and it feels so good. The last two weeks of training have really inspired me in terms of my work, but it's not always easy to apply that to my personal life. Jason (one of the director's of the outreach projects where I work) seems to have it all figured out. In preparation for the GRE he's begun to hone his reading and writing skills through a daily email journal sent out to a number of his friends and family.

I think the idea is wonderful, but I figure I already have a built in space to do it through this journal. I just haven't used it to its potential in the last few months. I feel censored at times and many days I don't have much to contribute besides boring daily drivel so I choose not to write.

I'm back though. I can't even get all the words out as fast as I think.

I'll start off tonight with some questions Jason posed in a poem. He wrote that he'd answer two sets of questions per daily email through the month if his readers answered them too.

The first two sets.

When do you smile? What makes you cry?
How is your temper? Do you ever not try?

What is your dream? Do you live it daily?
What color is your favorite ice cream?

When do you smile?
I smile when I notice something I've never noticed, find a long lost item I wasn't looking for, or am the recipient of a random act of kindness. Those are the most genuine smiles, the ones that make people comment on my smile.

What makes you cry?
Too much. When I was little I'd cry as my mom combed my hair in the morning into two perfectly parted braids or pony tails. I cried when I'd scrape my knee tripping over a crack on the sidewalk as I skated along. I cried with frustration when I didn't get my own way. Things haven't changed much since then, except that I deal much better with the physical pain. I still have yet to learn to effectively cope with the emotional pain. I still don't know how to channel my feelings of frustration and inadequacy into positive energy, constructive criticism and productivity. And I still don't know how to keep myself from dreaming of the Redhead.

How is your temper?
It's well hidden. Few see me lash out because I don't do it. If I'm upset I often say I want to kick something, but acting upon that is rare. When I get to that breaking point, I cry, but it takes a lot to get me there.

Do you ever not try?
Yes. I'm ashamed to admit that I've given up on once very strong relationships because I would rather not deal with the difficulty of resolving conflicts. I'm a coward.

What is your dream?
I'm still trying to figure most of it out. I want to change the world, but before that, I just want to be a mother.

Do you live it daily?
No. I figure I have a long way to go before I can become a mother because I first have to learn to take care of myself. I do enjoy spending time with children whether they're related to me or not. For the time being, I'll just stick to playing with other people's kids and babysitting the office baby when his mom brings him in. I secretly enjoy Elmo's World and the Sesame Street website.

What color is your favorite ice cream?
Coconut pineapple ice cream is white.

Comments: 2 comments [this feature no longer works]

Me siento: wonderful
Escuchando: "can i kick it" by a tribe called quest

M�s reciente:
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the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s


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