Amazing Grace
03.27.02 // 11:48 p.m.

One of the first things Lori asked me to do when I got home on Friday night was to sing. “What?” I asked.

“Amazing Grace,” she responded quietly like if it was perfectly normal.

“Okay.” I began singing the classic spiritual that both of us love. I finished the second verse and apologized for not knowing all the lyrics. Yo smiled and told me that it was okay. I think I sang it once more for her, and the third time while we were at the Peoples’ she joined in with me.

As I wrote yesterday, we spent most of the weekend together. Late Saturday morning Phyllis and Danny, my brother Danny’s padrinos, came over to talk and pray with my parents. When I first talked to Dad I asked if he had spoken to them since they had been through the exact same thing with their youngest son, Jacob. They went in to my grandparent’s room to talk and pray.

Yo knows that whenever my parents are gone for a while they’re talking about her. Once we got showered and dressed, Jacob came over. He was excited to have his truck back and suggested to Yo that they go for a ride. By this time I had finally got in touch with Dom. He, Lou (his brother), and friends Ralph and Gene, got in around 3 am and spent the night a few miles away at Chris and Lamont’s.

As soon as I talked to Dom I asked him to come over and told him that I didn’t really want to talk about what was wrong over the phone. I needed him there with me when I told him the news.

Jacob’s parents left and a few minutes later Lori and Jacob were on the way out as Danny greeted Dom in the drive way. I ran out as soon as I knew he was there and into his arms for one of his comforting hugs. I can’t really say how much it meant to me to have Dom here. He greeted Lori and Jacob and then I told him I wanted to take a walk. I remembered just as we crossed the street that I needed some water. When I went back into the house my parents asked if el güero was outside and told me to bring him in. So, under the circumstances, my parent’s met Dom (a first for anyone I’ve dated!).

We walked down to my former elementary school half a block away and I explained the situation to him. He listened, was pretty quiet, but offered up some words to help me feel better. He reminded me of how much my sister really loved me, and how I can’t blame myself because I didn’t know. After the talk we returned to my house just as Jacob and Yo returned from a walk in the park. Dom was planning to meet up the rest of the guys for some basketball at another park. I wanted to go, and so did Yo. She grabbed her camera and some other things while Dom talked to my parents about their trip to SF.

We never made it to the park and instead met the guys at an In-n-out on the way for a late lunch. Afterwards, Dom, me Chris, and Yoyi stopped by my house on the way back to Chris’. Dom fooled around on Adrian’s new drum set and Chris checked out some of Yo’s photography. Once at Chris’ we just chilled. Yo took some pictures and showed the guys her photo journal.

Around Chris, Lamont, Dom, Lou, Gene and Ralph Lori seemed like her usual self. The only one who knew anything was Dom. Around 8 she decided she was getting tired and wanted to go home, so Dom and I took her back to my house. She insisted that I go back to Chris’ for the party and stay with Dom.

I still feel a guilty for leaving her, but she was with my parents and Adrian. I feel selfish because I also wanted to be with Dom simply because I felt so much better when he was around, but at the party I started to feel down again and a bit worried. I tried calling Chispa because I still hadn’t talked to her. I told my roommates, but I’m closer to Chispa and Isa. I called her apartment but she wasn’t there, and Isa is in Guatemala with Jon so I can’t talk to her until this weekend. I started to write the first things that came to my mind when Dom came in. We left the living room and sat in the dark in the den while I talked to him some more. I decided I wanted to stay with him a while longer. We made another entrance to the party. Dom took me home around 2 ‘cause I was tired.

I slept in Yo’s room on her bed since Mom took my spot next to Yo in my grandparent’s bed. I slept and dreamt of Dom just as I had the night I met him at Chris’ pre-back to school party in September when things were so much simpler.

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