El círculo
04.03.02 // 11:07 p.m.

I know all the sayings. I know that what goes around comes around, everything comes full circle, and you should do unto others as you want others to do unto you (the Golden Rule). I learned the Ten Commandments in Catholic catechism classes at my local parish at a young age. Later, I learned the seven deadly sins and saw them gruesomely illustrated in the film Se7en. The point is I had a very good grasp on the concept of right and wrong, but still sometimes I chose not to follow it for whatever reason I had.

Last June I did something I never imagined myself doing. I won’t go into it, but the point is, it was not something a person of integrity would have done. I can’t even blame getting into the situation on being under the influence of alcohol and mota (pot) because once sober I did it again. The situation didn’t last too long, and I felt great remorse for my actions. I don’t know if I feel regret because the situation was also a growing and learning experience.

Since then I’ve been thinking of how what I did will come back to me. Will I be hurt in the way I hurt K (someone involved in the situation)? I had little regard for her feelings and I was very selfish. Will I be put in her shoes? I honestly hope not. I have a fatalistic attitude about it though, like it eventually will happen. Sometime in the future, I will feel the same terrible feelings K did. I already know what it was like to be J (another person involved in the situation). Sigh… I’m a smart girl who does some stupid shit.

[Note: I know I’m being incredibly vague, but with this particular situation I feel I should keep it like that. Many of the people close to me already know what I’m talking about, but there are some who don’t and for the time being, I’d like to keep it that way.]

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