I have been a little distracted all day. I�ve been worried about how my Pap� Chepe�s eye operation went. In class I watched a depressing documentary called �The Brandon Teena Story� to lead into the gendered violence and rape unit.

I�m really close to my Pap� Chepe, my mother�s father. Since I was a kid, I�ve always looked up to him. Up until the last year or so, his 81 years didn�t even seem to show. He�s tall and strong, funny, has thinning silvery hair, tan, wrinkles, and a slight potbelly. He would be the first one and the last one on the dance floor at parties.

I am fascinated by his life history and his struggles. Whenever I get a chance I ask him what life was like growing up in M�xico right after the Mexican Revolution. He was part of the historic Bracero program during World War II. Later he moved his wife and kids to live in East LA. I talk to his wife over 59 years, Mam� Toni, about her family and her view of her life too because I really regret that I never did that with my father�s parents.

I love my Chepe so much, that the thought of him slowly getting sicker and being less able to care for himself concerns me. Since he has always been a symbol of strength, any weakness just doesn�t seem to fit his personality. He made his living using his hands, working the land whether it was in the cotton and lettuce fields of Texas and Salinas, California or in the gardens of wealthy Southern Californians. He built homes in Tijuana and in Zacatecas, M�xico. He was even the �presidente� (sort of like a mayor) of his hometown, El Cargadero in Zacatecas.

I already lost two grandparents and don�t want to lose anymore. Inevitably he and my Mam� Toni will pass on, but I want to shove that thought to the back of my mind with the bad dreams. They think about it. Mam� Toni even knows what songs she wants played at her funeral and Chepe insists that we celebrate his life rather than mourn his death.

I pray for health for my grandparents. God willing they will be with us for many more years. And if not at least I was blessed to really know them.

Sigh. This entry seems so morbid. I think about death way too much.

Me siento:
Escuchando:

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s