If I had to wrap it up in one word, it'd be: disappointment. Well, that wouldn't be putting it accurately because it was good for the first few months of the year.

The problem is, I didn't learn my lesson about long distance relationships the first time. I know why I got involved with Will, but it was never logical. It didn't work out for a reasons: the distance, I wasn't ready for another relationship, and I still had feelings for the Redhead. I can't change the past, and I wouldn't want to. I don't regret my decisions. Will is a great guy, but he's just too far away. Oh well.

So, that was the first half of the year. By mid-June I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't really "over" the Redhead. For a while, I had these little nagging feelings that I chose to ignore. It wasn't tough until we started talking and I saw him again. I hated admitting to myself that I still missed him and cared for him as more than a friend. All I wanted was to see him as just a friend and nothing else. See, even though I felt a certain way about him, I wasn't about to say anything. I had enough trouble admitting it to myself.

The summer also brought a little falling out with Will. He got mad at me. I was mad at him. We talked it over once and didn't talk for a while until my birthday. I learned from that experience too. I need to be more mature and honest with others. I also need to stand up for myself when I feel that others have wronged me.

Gee, the summer was busy. Well, late in the summer it dawned on me that I really liked Garu. I'd been friends with him for years, and for most of that time had a mini-crush, but it was never anything more than that. I still can't bring myself to tell him how I feel, perhaps he's figured it out, but if he has, he didn't say anything. I don?t want to mess up this friendship, I value it to much. I'm hoping those feelings will fade.

So, that's it. My love life was a disappointment this year. What's new? Oh wait, I need to quit being so pessimistic. What was the good thing? I learned a lot from Will, became a little more mature after our falling out in the middle of the summer and figured out what I really want in a relationship.

I just need to find it. Hopefully it will be in 2004.

Oh yes, I decided I'm not looking for anything or anyone. It doesn't seem logical, especially if I don't know where I'll be at the end of the summer. Yay for the single life!

Me siento: warm
Escuchando: i got a david bowie song from "labyrinth" stuck in my head!

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s