The Christmas season always seems to just sneak up on me. Despite the crass consumerism of the season, bright lights, festive window displays and extravagant street adornments, I still seem to forget about Christmas until final exams are over. Then I have a few days to do some last minute shopping to find presents for people who are really hard to shop for. This year finals lasted a little longer than usual just because it took me a while to turn in a paper. When I finally had completed it, I had a day to look for a presents for my sister, my roommate and the guy I�m seeing. I procrastinate at everything and Dominic probably won�t be getting his gift until the beginning of January. Friday came and I tried to do some shopping but every music store I tried didn�t have what I was looking for. I stopped by Borders and locked my keys in my car� I have no luck with Christmas shopping. I feel too rushed, pressured and the stores are too crowded. I prefer to shop at a leisurely pace. Either way, its kind of over now, at least its died down a little.

On Christmas Day I talked to Dominic for a few minutes while I was on my way to my cousin�s house to celebrate her daughter�s birthday and have some pozole. I was kind of down and he picked up on it. I couldn�t pinpoint one exact reason, but instead a few reasons why I�ve been feeling more like the Grinch than Santa Claus. The primary reason was that the holidays have simply felt different this year, especially with my mom�s side of the family. We didn�t get together on the 24th, but instead gathered for dinner on the 23rd. Everyone, seems a little down too because they�re still mourning Martin�s death. The adults incessantly talk about the cancellation of my cousin George�s wedding just a week before the date. On a side note, I feel bad for my cousin, because I know he�s hurting emotionally and financially from this, but I didn�t care too much for his fianc�e. I didn�t dislike her, but I didn�t like her much either. My dad said that the wedding drama and the death were like a double whammy for the extended family. So, on my mom�s side of the family, this is what we�re dealing with.

On the paternal side, things have been weird for the last few years. In 1996 my Grandpa passed away on the 28th of December after a short battle with cancer. The final time I saw him alive was on Christmas Eve in an East LA hospital. The memory is painful because rather than thinking of him as the strong healthy man that he was, I think of him writhing in bed gasping for air. Rather than being tall and a little heavyset he looks emaciated. I lost my Grandma a few years later on January 12, 2000. She died unexpectedly, but the final time I saw her alive was on Christmas Day 1999, also in an East LA hospital. Things were different with Grandma though. She didn�t look sick, she was lively and just like herself. She played with a dancing toy Santa next to her bed. Before they passed away, the six of us � me, siblings and parents � would go to East LA to visit them on Christmas Day after Mass. We�d take our gifts and pick up the gifts Grandma picked out with care and Grandpa worked hard to pay for. We�d compare our gifts with our cousins. I find myself still expecting to do this now. For a few seconds in the morning, I think to myself �today is Christmas Day, we�re going to East LA to visit Grandma and Grandpa.� Then reality sets in and I remember that they don�t live in the house on Gage with the broad porch that we used to kick it on anymore. Some strange family lives there. Now, they�re buried South of the 60 freeway at Calvary Cemetery in East LA.

I miss them, I guess it�s pretty obvious and I miss them more around the holidays. I guess that�s why I wasn�t so joyous� I cheered up later though after spending some time with my great cousins and watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas starring my tocaya/namesake Cindy Lou Who. I�ve lost some people I really love in my life, but that doesn�t mean I can�t enjoy the time I have with those who are still around.

Fin.

Me siento:
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M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

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