I dreamt about you again, just as you asked me too. Of course I can't be with you every waking minute, so I must retreat into my dreams to be with you. I traveled across 380 miles through the Grapevine along the boring stretch of highway that is the five, up the 280, down the 101 out the Cesar Chavez exit to you. To you. All I had to do was close my eyes and once again, I was with you. I was in the glorious city that is San Francisco, in the home that your grandfather built.

Except, the dream was not what I wanted. It was as if my subconscious had not realized that we had resolved the difficulties we were having last week. In my dream, I was still uspet, felt ignored, and unsatisfied. I was with you, but you gave all your other friends more attention than you did me.

I sat in the house kicking away your stupid cat and thought, 'nothing has fucking changed!' I was mad. I just wanted to leave. Cross the bay bridge back to the east, take the 280 to the 5 and fly down the highway at 90 miles per hour.

I know we got through the last rough spot alright. We made it through, but for some reason there's still this doubt in me that it's not going to go away and that I'll end up feeling ignored and like I'm not getting anything from this relationship.

I want to draw the arrows from me to you on my eco-map [maps out my relationship with people in my life] to be even both ways. I don't want to give more to this relationship than you, and I want my dreams and real life to be free of this disturbing feeling that all is not well.

Me siento: confused
Escuchando: nada

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s