week in review
04.19.03 // 2:29 a.m.

Monday:
Work and more work. Exciting! Actually, we talked about death and grieving in our staff meeting. Patty, one of the counselors, facilitated the discussion since she's taken a psychology class on the subject. First, she asked us to write what we'd like to accomplish within the next 50 years. Then, those 50 years were condensed into 10, then 5 and finally 1 year. However, the last year had a twist. Patty asked us to write down what we'd like to do if we only had one year to live. My goals changed. Education and career things weren't really on the list. Instead it was more about relationships, mending weak ones and strengthening the strong ones. Within this discussion, I started thinking about how I had responded to death throughout my life. Cindy R's is still the only one that has ever been someone my age and has been the most sudden. Tim wrote a very nice poem based on a discussion we had Friday night. This is the second time I've inspired a poem for him.

Tuesday:
Meetings and more meetings. Fun! Actually, the morning meeting was held at a nice little cafe in Santa Monica. I had a yummy breakfast, but my ankles were freezing (short socks). After work and meetings, I headed out with the new director in the office to the track. Remember Molly the director who caused so much tension in the office, not to mention headaches? Well, she's been gone for a while, and in that time a new director was hired for the program. The new director, Robin, is a friend I've known since my first year. It's good to see her in the office. Now I don't feel like I have any adversarial relationships and don't dread our weekly director's meetings. All five of us actually get along. So, Robin and I decided that on Tuesday and Thursday evenings we'd head out to the track and jog. We did a couple of miles in the evening. It felt really good... but we were both too tired Thursday after another long meeting to go jogging.

Wednesday:
While not doing much work, I signed on to AIM. Isa im'ed me to tell me the news: Jon broke up with her on Sunday. Is it wrong to say I felt a little glad to hear that? I know I wasn't the one dating him, but I thought he sucked. Anyway, I didn't tell her any of this. I just tried to listen, same as she had when I went through my breakup too. Seeing her go through this makes me feel like I'm in that place I was last fall. I felt bitter and took it out on my friend Chris. I started venting about how I was just tired of boys and felt that I should just give up on them. Chris tried to restore my sense of hope by saying that relationships could be so incredibly rewarding between the right two people. He's right, but I still argued with him. I asked when it would happen, he said I'd have to wait and be patient. I bet I sounded incredibly bitter, because I told him I used to be patient, I used to have hope, and I used to be understanding but things didn't change. Then, I decided to stop, because it's not nice to bad mouth someone to a mutual friend. I don't know... it didn't take much to get me back in to that place I was at last fall. I feel Isa though, I really do. Everything she was saying, down to the borderline stalker thoughts and rebound tendencies, I could relate to, but I wish that wasn't so. Oh yes, and might I add that I woke up after having a terrible and really confusing dream... grr.

Thursday:
Two weeks since Cindy R passed away and I still get chills driving on the 405 freeway a few miles away from the scene of the accident. I always get off sooner than reaching that area of the freeway, but it is still odd. Anyway, things in the office are getting back to normal, in a sense, but there are signs all around of the tragedy of Cindy R's death. There's no way to escape it. She's gone, at least physically. There's laughter in the office, though, and it's nice to hear that. After the usual long Thursday evening meeting, I did what I used to do to cheer me up, went shopping. I headed to Target to pick up Un dia normal por Juanes but they were out. That upset me. I spoke to Secu in the evening, and I wasn't too nice to him. He picked up on it. There's no excuse for it, except that I've been having a blah week in general and it's easy to take things out on him. I suck.

Friday:
Not too much out of the ordinary except that I met a bunch of incoming students at an event held for all newly admitted Chicana/o and Latina/o students. I wish something like this was around when I was thinking about schools since it's a good chance to meet students and get a better idea of what the school has to offer. Oh yeah, I also found Tim's poem today. That brought tears to my eyes, but also made me feel really glad to know that he's my friend. Again, I left the office in hopes of finding the Juanes cd at another store, but they didn't have it either. Grrr. Finally, I ended up the day with a fun conversation with Secu, as usual. I was nicer to him this time. Oh yeah, he's going to get me a bunny.

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Me siento: lonely
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M�s reciente:
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