last night i dreamt that somebody loved me
11.19.04 // 4:20 a.m.

I cried a lot when I was first learning to drive. It came from my dad yelling at me and making me feel like I was doing it all wrong. Don't get me wrong, my dad isn't a horrible person and he's actually a pretty good driving instructor. The truth was that I was doing it all wrong. And that's what got to me the most.

See, up until then, there was little that I did or tried to do that I didn't do right. Things came easy to me. Math (up until high school), history, english, chemistry, marching, Spanish, music, making friends, dancing, etc, were all easy for me to pick up. I hardly ever struggled.

So, coming to the realization that there was something out there that I wasn't automatically good at was very difficult for me to grasp. It still is.

I guess that's why I cried a lot tonight and why I've felt incredibly disfunctional lately. This has nothing to do with school, work, driving, my family, or friends. It has everything to do with failing at relationship after relationship... even the ones that don't yet exist.

I hate failure.

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Me siento: betrayed
Escuchando: "it just is" by rilo kiley

M�s reciente:
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tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s


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