I hate being jealous of my best friends. I hate being jealous period, but its worse when I look at them and wish I had some object or quality that they possess. I grew up Catholic and with the understanding that envy was one of the seven deadly sins. I should be satisfied with the things I have, no? I mean, it�s not like I�ve ever starved, or been without a home or other �bare necessities.� I have it good. I have so many blessings, that I know even my friends are envious of me at times (they have told me). But then there are the times like last night when I went out with some friends for Chispa�s 22nd birthday.

She was completely surprised when she got to her apartment and found a small group of us waiting for her with sashes that read �Ms. Ing N. Akshun,� �Lil� Ms. Muffin.com,� �The Cute One,� (mine) and �Ms. Telatoka� (if you know Spanish, say it out loud) to name a few. We had some ice cream cake and Chispa opened her gifts.

Perhaps I should have been Ms. En Vee, but that would have been even cheesier than the other names. Anyway, as Chispa opened her gifts my eyes began to turn green. I�ve mentioned it before, but Chispa is the kind of girl who has it all, including a nice body/figure, whatever you want to call it. Adrian bought her a beautiful authentic Indian outfit (plus sandals and accessories). I was only jealous at this point, because I could never wear the top that he bought her (backless halter).

We left the apartment and headed over to the karaoke bar a block away. Here I was jealous again, because I just kept thinking about how much I want to see Dom, especially when I see Chispa together with Adrian. Yeah, I know I chose a long distance relationship, but do you blame me for being envious of that closeness other couples have that I don�t have with Dom. No? I thought so.

Then there were the gifts that Adrian bought, and all the nice little things he does for Chispa. Uh� I wish Dom would do surprise me with something nice like he used to. Chispa says she feels she doesn�t spend enough time with Adrian, or that she misses him after a day or two without seeing him. Gee� she would not be able to deal with my situation. I don�t even know what�s going on with him because we hardly get a chance to talk. And those little extras? Well, let�s just say if that was all that mattered to me, I�d have moved on a LONG time ago

Karaoke is fun, but not when you�re sitting there expecting your boy to call or watching Isa dance around. She�s one of my best friends too, but how I wish I was taller and as thin as she is. I know I sound incredibly whiny. Maybe I should go and count my blessings.

Me siento: whiny
Escuchando: the voices in my head

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s