Dear Mexican parents and future quincea�eras,

I know you want to go all out to celebrate your little one's quince a�os. I'm sure you want to show her off and prove that you have the means to thrown one hell of a party, but you don't have to go broke to have a good time. Just think, you want to celebrate her now, in the present, but also remember she has a future and this is just a party.

And girls, I'm sure you want your quincea�era to be better than your best friend Lety's, but remember this is not a competition! So, after attending my fair share of coming out parties, I thought I'd offer some sage advice.

I present to you: Cindylu's guide to a successful quincea�era.

You can thank me later.

General

Good idea: keep it small. I know this is impossible with some families, but small is relative. Everyone in her freshman class does not need to be there. If you haven't talked to your cousin twice removed, don't invite her either. It's just a glorified birthday party! NOT a wedding.

Bad idea: spending her first year college tuition (or semester if she goes to a private school) to cover the costs. It's even worse if she can't live in the dorms because you decided you just had to hire Banda el Recodo.

Preparation and planning

Good idea: finding talented family members or trusted friends (why do you think you have comadres y compadres?) to make things such as the dress or cake. I lucked out because my t�a Ana made wedding gowns and my t�a Marta is a pro with fancy cakes. Do-it-yourself (DIY) is still cool.

Bad idea: finding the most over-priced vendor for some insignificant thing, like the recuerdos.

Good idea: asking people who love you (hello, t�as y t�os!) to pay for stuff like the cake, flowers, or photographer. They love you, right?

Bad idea: being an ungrateful little brat who throws tantrums for stupid shtuff. If a family member is a padrino of something, consider that his/her/their gift to you.

Good idea: writing that the Mass begins as 1:30 on the invitations when it technically begins at 2. This way, people will actually be on time. If you invite white people, let them know the Mass actually begins at 2 or else they�ll be waiting around for half and hour.

Bad idea: excluding directions and printing the actual time the Mass begins on the invitations. Avoid the casualties of Mexican time at all costs!

Good idea: including your padrinos de honor on your invitation. They're paying for stuff, no?

Bad idea: listing the padrinos de bras, panties, medias y mu�ecas on the invitation. It's okay that they're paying for stuff, but they do not need to be on the invitation. Remember, simplicity is cool.

Good idea: ensuring that your family attends the church ceremony. This is an important and beautiful part of the celebration. This should not be time to be decorating the cake, putting up streamers, or getting your hair and makeup done.

Bad idea: a ceremony with only you (the quincea�era), your parents, padrinos, chambelanes and damas. If you're going to do the Catholic church thing don't do it half way.

Good idea: bilingual Mass (unless you go to M�xico to celebrate).

Bad idea: all Spanish-language ceremony and the quincea�era barely understand Spanish. Conversely, an all English-language ceremony would exclude non-English speaking family members. Balance is good.

Good idea: holding the reception at your home or the home of another family member. I've been to beautiful quincea�eras held in a backyard. It takes more work, but you can save money.

Bad idea: paying thousands of dollars to only spend five hours in a hotel banquet room... and you still pay for the food, music, and decorations!

Good idea: hiring a photographer.

Bad idea: letting your t�o Charlie -- you know, the one who forgets to take the lens cap off and often decapitates his subjects -- be your photographer.

Good idea: hiring a videographer. You�ll laugh years later at how silly you, your friends and family looked.

Bad idea: playing the video every single time someone related to you comes over for weeks after the party. Your t�as and t�os were there, they don't need to see it again!

The look: dress, hair and makeup

Good idea: a color other than white for the gown. This is my own hangup. I don't think fifteen year-olds should look like mini-brides. If you insist on white, try some accents in a different color. Also, make sure the dress is age-appropriate.

Bad idea: all white dress at a party where there might be lots of dust or dirt (e.g. a rancho). Oh yeah, cleavage is not cool when you're only fifteen years old!

Good idea: have the person who will be styling your hair practice before the day of so that he/she will know how long it will take to get your hair done. My t�a Luisa did this for me which was helpful because my hair is weird and doesn't stay when it's curled.

Bad idea: leaving it all to the last minute.

Good idea: if you don't usually wear a lot of make up, keep it simple.

Bad idea: looking like a mini drag queen.

Good idea: bringing along a pair of comfy shoes such as flip flops or your white Chucks to dance in when your feet get tired.

Bad idea: wearing your beat up Chucks with holes in the soles. Not cute.

Good idea: crinolina! I love the springy hoop that goes under the skirt of the gown.

Bad idea: crinolina under an already exceptionally puffy skirt, unless you want to look like a cotton ball or powder puff.

Good idea: a good night's rest. Hey, it's a big day.

Bad idea: staying out all night.

The court

Good idea: asking your best friends and family members to join is as part of the court, you know the damas and chambelanes. You do not need to have 14 couples. You don't even need couples. I had a court full of chambelanes, as did my sister. I've seen others with only girls. Hint: guys are less trouble. It's so easy to just take them all for their tuxedo fitting.

Bad idea: asking random boys to be a chambel�n because your cousin La Guera (who you don't even get along with) needs a partner. Remember simplicity is cool.

Good idea: inviting the immediate family of the kids in the court.

Bad idea: being rude and leaving out the parents of your damas y chambelanes who put up some money for them just to be part of your party. They also probably drove them to and from practice. They deserve some recognition, and an invite is good.

Good idea: putting some thought into making the waltz fresh and creative. You don't need to hire a choreographer, but it's cool to put a new spin on a rather boring dance.

Bad idea: same old boring waltz to the Blue Danube.

Good idea: staging a choreographed dance to some type of contemporary music following the waltz. My sister and a group of her friends (some weren't even part of the court) did a swing dance routine and the guests loved it. It helps start up the dance part of the party.

Bad idea: any dance routine involving poles, feather boas, dollar bills, hot pants or stiletto heels. You're fifteen, dammit!

Day of: food, drink and music

Good idea: birria! But have an option for the herbivores besides arroz y ensalada de papa.

Bad idea: really spicy birria or other main dish. What about the white people or us Chicanas/os with acculturated palates?

Good idea: live music. You can't go wrong with a mariachi during the Mass and dinner. Try to strike a balance.

Bad idea: hiring your 16 year-old neighbor's craptacular garage band that any adult will hate. Moshing is okay at a concert, but not at a quincea�era.

Good idea: keeping tabs on the alcohol and serving apple cider for the brindis (toast).

Bad idea: open bar with a lax bartender. Underage drinking (and cops) is a great way to ruin a good party. You and your parents don't need more headaches.

Good idea: eat, but be careful!

Bad idea: eating or drinking in a rush so that you drop salsa on your dress.

Day of: finishing touches

Good idea: renting or borrowing a cool car. You can get a limousine or go for something less common. My dad rented a convertible, I felt like a homecoming queen nominee.

Bad idea: spending two hours getting your hair done, and then having your driver speed to the church so that when you arrive your hair resembles a rat's nest.

Good idea: a theme and sensible color combination. You get more points if you can get a song to go with theme. I wore pink and had butterflies as my theme. It worked out well since there's a song called "Vals de las mariposas" and you can play off the symbolism of a caterpillar coming out of its cocoon transformed into a beautiful butterfly.

Bad idea: mismatched colors and horrible theme, such as clowns.

Good idea: heartfelt thanks to your guests. If you can do it in both languages, great! If you trip up a lot in Spanish, prepare a short thank you speech beforehand or have your parents translate. Also, make sure to greet your guests during the reception.

Bad idea: disappear from the party and never even greet your guests. You might not really know everyone at the party (I know I didn't), but they took time out of their schedule to come celebrate your birthday. Be thankful. Make your parents look good.

Good idea: graciously accepting compliments. You'll look radiant that day, as usual.

Bad idea: saying "Thanks, but I look so fat in this dress!" every single time someone tells you that you look beautiful.

Good idea: dance, even if you're no good at it.

Bad idea: being a wallflower. Believe me, boys will ask you to dance. You don't have to dance with everyone who asks, but go out and enjoy yourself. This is supposed to be the first time you're "officially" allowed to dance. Take advantage of it.

Good idea: avoiding the alcohol.

Bad idea: getting drunk. Vomit + fancy dress = horrible situation. Don't embarrass yourself or your parents.

Good idea: smiling a lot and having fun. My mom always thought the prettiest quincea�eras were the ones who looked happy.

Bad idea: being a punk. No one likes a brat. None of this, "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to" shtuff. If something bugs you, deal with it in an adult manner.

Aftermath

Good idea: get people (friends, family, and whoever else stayed �til the end) to help clean up a little or put gifts in the car.

Bad idea: leaving the reception hall or house where the party was held trashed.

Good idea: day after left-overs and gift-opening tardeada. Oh yeah, write down who gave you what and send out thank-you notes.

Bad idea: opening up the gifts without your abuelita around. Se pone sentida.

Good idea: saving gift money for college! I had to inject something nerdy in here.

Bad idea: blowing the money on something dumb like Pumas, concert tickets, or CD's.

That's it. Remember the three main things: balance, simplicity and do-it-yourself. Quincea�eras are a big deal for a girl and her family. I hope you enjoy yours as much as I enjoyed mine almost ten years ago.

Eek!

Sinceramente,

Cindylu

P.S. Maybe some day I�ll show you pictures.

Me siento: silly
Escuchando: brand new colony by the postal service

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s