I've had a few very disturbing dreams lately. One involved me having a baby, but I didn't even know I had gotten pregnant and given birth. My parents introduced me to the newborn girl and put her in my arms. Then, she smiled at me. She had teeth, like my mom (same size).

I tried to figure out who the dad was by thinking back to the date of conception. I guess I was dating both guys at the same time, but didn't remember sleeping with either one. Immaculate conception?

So, the dream was too disturbing for me to really try and analyze, but I found this:

If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it suggests that you are trying hide your own vulnerabilities; you do not want to let others know of your weaknesses.

That made perfect sense to me. At the time I was writing the end of the year evaluation for the project. I dreaded not because it was a herculean task, but because it shows very well how much I messed up this past year.

The second strange dream I had recently was incredibly vivid. It scared me so much, that when I woke up I was afraid to go back to bed because I didn't want to lapse into the dream again.

On Sunday night, I went to bed at about 12:30. I must have immediately fallen into a dream, because I felt a man on top of me trying to hold me down. He wasn't raping me, but I could feel that he was trying to get in position to do that. I could feel the stubble on his chin against my cheek and his body pressing against mine struggling to hold me down. I couldn't move my hands or legs, I tried to speak and thought about using my cell phone to call someone (police, my mom, roommate?). I saw the light of my cell phone illuminating my stuffed monkey who I have in bed with me, but someone had moved the monkey.

Then, I came out of it, but I was still really drowsy. I made sure I could move and speak. The monkey was in the space where I left him, and so was the cell phone. There was no one in my room.

I looked up rape and found this:

Alternatively, it suggests that you are feeling violated in some way. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being.

Again, very fitting. I've been feeling like I don't have any power in a certain situation. It also doesn't help that for the past week or so my body has not been very nice to me lately.

[Dream interpretations taken from Dream Moods]

Me siento: hungry
Escuchando: nada

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the big move - 07.29.05
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jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s