05.11.02 // 12:52 p.m.

I used to believe him when he said that he would call. I used to expect responses to my emails. I used to love the attention and the sweet words. Then they started becoming less frequent and I was able to deal with it. I know very well what it is like to have a busy schedule and not even have time to eat. Then it was once a week that I would hear from him and I’d get kind of mad sometimes, but more sad and disappointed.

I’ve lowered my expectations. So, now when he says that he will call or do something else I take it with a grain of salt. Okay, so it might happen, but I don’t really expect it to.

I wish he would prove me wrong.

When I start to feel down and forget what his voice sounds like, I go to my phone and play the messages I have yet to delete. I dig up old emails in the folder with his name on them and read through them. I check out stuff I wrote about him in my random thoughts notebook and in my journal. I pull out the IM conversation I had with him when I confessed my mini crush. I’m such a nerd. It’s nice though. It reminds me of how this all started. I laugh out loud at some of the things like his ponderings of where the king was, in LA, the Bay, or San Diego.

I convince myself again that he is amazing.

I found out who my staff will be next year, check it out. All that I really need to know is who will be the Retention Coordinator for MEChA. I already know some of the directors for the other Student Retention Center projects (Paul, Rose, Robert) and for the Student Initiated Outreach Center (Arshad, Li'i, Jerry).

MEChA Calmecac 2002-2003

Cihuacoatl/Director: Me

Assistant Director: Angel P., known him since FSP, he calls me Player all the time and lives with Eligio

Telpochcalli/Counseling Coordinator: Chispa, la escandalosa. Wonderful! Now I’ll get to see her on a daily basis.

Calpulli Coord.: Walter, known him since FSP, he’ll take on the mentorship component.

Centro Coatlicue Coord.: Erika, known her since FSP too, she’ll take on the gender and sexuality component.

Nahuacalli Coord.: Melina, Angel’s girlfriend, she’ll take on the academic development component.

Telpochtli’s/Peer Counselors:

Juan, know him from MEChA stuff

Karina, don’t know her yet

Eric, Juan’s roommate who I know from MEChA stuff

Monica, another Mechista from San Diego

Daniel, gave him money from my base budget to help him plan the Festival Latino for LASA.

James, never met him

Blanca, met her right before my interview, she seems pretty cool

Administrative Assistant: Vanessa P., don’t know her yet

Alternates (in order): Patricia M., Alejandra B., and Erika G.

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Me siento: sniffly
Escuchando: Minha Galeria by Manu Chao

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