Crybaby
06.04.02 // 1:40 a.m.

It�s just so many things coming down to me all at once. Neither one seems to be more important than the others. I have finals due in a week. From the 13th through the 16th I have one graduation ceremony or other. Then there is the end of my term on USAC, officially. I�ll no longer be a student member of MEChA, which is hard to fathom.

The fact that I will no longer be a student, in the formal sense, also gets to me like crazy. I know I�ll be going back to school, but the impending end of my career as an undergrad has sent me into nostalgic mode. I�m starting to feel regrets about everything from classes I didn�t take to not applying to grad school last fall.

I have to work out things with Dom. I just had a conversation over phone and AIM with him that made me think a lot, not like I already don�t think enough about us. It�s just one more very important issue to add to my list.

Then I got to think about the summer and my job as director, and frankly I�m scared. A month from now I�ll probably be thinking, �what the hell did I get myself into?� And that�ll only be during the training, I won�t even have to start really dealing with staff issues yet.

There�s the change in the living situation. Vane will be moving out and I�m going to miss her so much. I keep thinking what things would be like if I was leaving with her to Berkeley to join the MUSE program.

I've been feeling weepy all day. I cried at the Calm�cac transition meeting listening to some of the things outgoing staff members (like my wonderful counselor, Alena) had to say. When they started crying, I automatically started crying. Then there was dinner at Lares with the weepy Mexican songs. They played "Hay unos ojos" and I just thought about Dom. A few minutes later, the waiters came out with a cake for Vane's 21st birthday (its on Wednesday) and when the waterworks started for her, they kept going for me. I feel like such a crybaby.

I just have to deal with all this, with the minimum amount of tears possible.

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Me siento: like crying
Escuchando: El Gran Silencio's Circulo de Amor and Rufus Wainright's cover of the Beatles' Across the Universe

M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

antes // despu�s


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