Usually the message boards on Okayplayer.com are filled with lots of posts about nothing really valuable. Occasionally, I�ll find something insightful and thought provoking. At the end of my busy day I checked out what was on the boards and found a post about suicide. Immediately I clicked on it and added my own two cents. Afterwards, I went back and scrolled through the responses. One in particular upset me.

�No� there is never a good reason to end your life. People who do so(in my oppinion) are weak, selfish individuals who feel sorry for themselves!

They don't consider those who love them, they just want to give up and be pitiful. They never get to find out what their lives could have become, because they are feeling to weak to go on.�

I guess it�s really easy to say that, and I know I used to feel like that before. I thought that people who ended their own lives, or attempted to, were being selfish and that they didn�t care about what others felt. I still don�t think suicide is ever a good option, but I can never condemn my sister for what she did that night.

Perhaps, if she had not lived through it my feelings would have been different. Maybe I would have been angry with her. How could I though? I had no idea what she was going through. The little I do know is from what she wrote. And in there I knew that she was thinking about her family and friends. She always does. I know she loves me and I also know that she didn�t want to be a burden.

I kept scanning the post and then I got to this one. I understood and agreed with what he was saying. Something I don�t think I could have understood if I had not recently been through that. I guess it�s really simplistic and easy to condemn people who take their own lives as weak and selfish. Maybe that�s the pain talking. The same pain that made me want to run over Chris R.

I tried to write a response and I just broke down. I was shaking and sobbing like I had when my dad first told me. I hadn�t cried like that since that Friday a few weeks ago. I think I needed it just to flush out a lot of those feelings out of my system; those feelings of helplessness, guilt and anger at Chris R.

I keep putting it in the back of my head as I go to school and work and go through my daily routine, but it keeps coming back. I can�t forget that feeling and don�t want to. I don�t ever want to come to the point where I take Yo, my family or friends for granted.

Me siento:
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