Anger
04.01.02 // 1:20 a.m.

Last week I was ready to beat the shit out of Chris R. I’ve never really liked the kid, maybe for all of two weeks when he treated my sister well in October. I was so happy for her, Yo seemed like she was floating on air after the retreat where she and Chris clicked. I talked to her for an hour on the phone and she dreamily recounted the weekend and how the best thing about Chris was that she saw God in him. It was great too, because at the same time I was telling her about Dom and how great he was.

Then he just broke her heart. I think he didn’t even want to be her friend anymore even though he admitted to liking her. I think he had issues too, but the point was that Lori couldn’t even stand being around him because it made her too sad.

I saw him at church in the parking lot once and jokingly asked Adrian if I should run him over. Adrian just looked at me like I was crazy. This was a few months ago, before I read how depressed he made Yo feel.

There are so many words I would like to call Chris, in English and Spanish, but they won’t do any good. I was always bothered by people who cursed excessively, as if they could not find a better word to express their anger. So, I’ll refrain from using all the wonderful swear words I know in my two tongues.

I’m not so angry now, but last Wednesday I wanted to beat the life out of Chris. I felt guilty just thinking those thoughts. I wanted to make him feel the same pain he made me, my family and Yo feel. I just want to put the blame on someone because I still feel that if I would have been there for Yo she would have been okay.

Yo’s seems okay lately. She’s seeing a psychologist once a week on Mondays. I haven’t spent so much time at home for over a year, I don’t want to go back to school. Who’s going to take care of Yo?

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