There are few things that I have a complex about. The two main ones are being too pale and the second is being too financially dependent on my parents. I just spent a couple of hours with my ex-boyfriend just catching up since it had been a while since I had seen him last.

We got on the subject of resolutions and goals that we had set for the new year as well as the new quarter. One of the main ones for me is becoming more financially independent and finally getting my own bank accounts. Then we got to the subject of the change in my plans to apply to graduate school for fall 2002. I told him that I had yet to apply anywhere mainly because I was questioning my motivation. Two of the biggest reasons I wanted to go to Cal were because it was out of LA and because I didn�t want to go out into the real world yet. Chalio told me about his five-year plan to attend medical school after he graduates next year. He really wanted to stay in LA as opposed to me. Then he made a crack and said that I thought I was ready to leave home because I was going to become financially independent and get my own bank account. He laughed, but my ego was a little bruised. So, then I explained to him that if he wanted to really make me mad, he could make cracks about how connected I still am to my parents.

It just bugs me to think that I�m almost out of college and I still need to worry about what my parents think with what I do with my own money. I don�t want to be completely independent though, because I don�t think I could afford it. I wouldn�t be able to pay the insurance on my car, and I�d have to give up luxuries like my cell phone.

The second main complex I have is being too pale. I was standing around in my room last night talking to Patty, my roommate. She looked at me with a look like she had barely noticed something new about me. �You look white,� she blurted out.

�A lot of people tell me that. Maybe it�s because my hair is getting longer and since it frames my face it makes me look pale. Also, I�m wearing a black shirt.�

�No, that�s not it,� she replied. �You�re just pale.�

I�m used to it by now, but it still bugs me. When people see my siblings and the rest of my family they all ask, what happened to you? I joke that I�m the milkman�s kid, and that� s the only reason you can�t see el nopal en la frente as you can with them. The Mexican phrase translated to cactus on the forehead, and basically means that you can tell that they�re Mexican because they have the dark skin from our indigenous ancestors. I on the other hand look sickly in pictures (it�s the flash!). My mom thinks I�m anemic and keeps bugging me to see the doctor and eat more vegetables. For my senior pictures my sister, Lori, insisted on caking my face with makeup so that I�d have �some color� in the pictures. At least Dom thinks I have immaculate skin no matter what the color. Oh well, I�ll just wait �til summer to get a tan, even though its nice and sunny in LA right now.

Me siento:
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M�s reciente:
Searches - 09.16.05
the big move - 07.29.05
mother and daughter: a comparative analysis - 07.28.05
jardineros y dom�sticas - 07.27.05
tough question - 07.25.05

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